The Will to Love

Up to now I've covered the first two thirds of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy. If you have been trying the exercises, hopefully you have developed a little bit of confidence in being able to be present to the moment and your internal experiences (thoughts, feeling, sensations, memories, urges). To review, acceptance in this context is not approval, but awareness. Awareness so that these internal experiences are less likely to blindly influence your reactions, or drag you into unhealthy patterns of coping.

So we have more awareness, which leads to a better chance at intentional choices. We are able, in Christian terms, to more freely exercise our will. But our will towards what?

Values and Committed Actions

The final third of ACT is about behaviors. A lot of people miss that ACT is actually a third wave Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. Relatedly, something often lost in the CBT realm is that what we hope is to see people actively living lives which are better. Some forms of CBT promise certain changes to feelings or thoughts. But all of them promote intentional behavioral choices.

In ACT, the behaviors are not chosen for a client. The behaviors are to come from client generated values, and those values are ones that the client defines for themselves. Now, that's not to say that the client can't have outside help choosing those values, such as the values espoused by Catholicism for a Catholic. But the point is that the therapist is not imposing values for the client. The client is examining what kind of values they want to embody in their behaviors.

After that, the final step is that a client chooses committed actions based on the values/qualities of behavior they wish to embody. Many of those behaviors will focus on the care of the self, and many will focus on social relationships.

The Will to Love

The question of today, and the point of this post, is whether you would like to engage on an exploration of how you do with living a life of Christian values and how that becomes an approach to the care of ourselves and a love of others and of God. As we enter Advent, a popular image is the idea of preparing "the manger," with the manger being a metaphor for our souls and us preparing to receive Christ at Christmas.

So how clean and cozy is your soul?

If you are like most of us, there are ways in which you are excelling and ways in which you need a little work. My best suggestion this Advent is to explore the Will to Love Project, developed by my ministry colleague Peter Gordon.

https://www.willtolove.com/

Each day through Advent there is a simple set of exercises taking about 5-15 minutes (depending on how reflective you are). Throughout the first week, you'll do an audit of common Christian virtues and values. You'll then be prayerfully guided through the choice of what you want to work on, have a chance to pray for healing and help for the change you choose to make, and begin small steps which will carry you into Christmas (and beyond) towards lasting behavioral (and spiritual) change.

Prayer + Psychology

Why am I more excited about this program compared to all the others available for Advent? (Particularly as Hallow is coming out strong with Jonathan Roumie and Sr. Miriam on Day 1.)

It comes down to wanting to help those who have tried many meditations and retreats and programs and found themselves not seeing the needle move in practical terms. Part of this is normal, as the reality of our humanity is that many of us will be struggling with the same thing over and over on our way through life. We are bound to have a few key points of contention with ourselves which are the ones God calls us to work on.

And change is typically difficult, as anyone who has ever tried to lose weight/exercise more/stop drinking/call your mother/be one time will attest to. This is why Peter enlisted my help as a psychologist who has researched behavioral change processes and practices in the field helping people change their lives. We cannot do this work without prayer, humbly understanding that this is impossible for us on our own. However, and this is a big however for me, God invites us to receive earthly help for our efforts.

So if you're interested, you'll be praying for Divine guidance each step of the way. But the questions we ask, how we ask them, and the steps we offer are guided by change theories that help with discernment and concrete steps. If you have been reading along on this blog, you'll also have some helpful skills to keep you focused and aware as you pray and discern.

I hope you'll take a look at the website and download the workbook (direct link here: https://www.willtolove.com/advent). In addition to the workbook for Advent, there are companion materials which go deeper into the theology of the values we're exploring which you can also receive.

And if it's not for you, I hope as we enter this quiet season of winter, you find your own way to explore what means the most to you, the values you wish to embody, and start a journey towards spring renewal in the coziness of the winter!