From Stepping Back to Stepping In

In the past few posts, we’ve been exploring the ACT skill of cognitive defusion, or the ability to notice thoughts without getting tangled up in them. Defusion helps us take a step back from the swirl of mental chatter so we can see thoughts for what they are: words and images passing through the mind, not absolute truths we must obey.

But once we’ve learned to step back from our thoughts, we inevitably run into the next challenge: our feelings. Fear, sadness, anger, loneliness don’t dissolve just because we see our thoughts more clearly. Pain still shows up, in our bodies and our hearts. The question becomes: what do we do when suffering arrives?

This is where the ACT process of acceptance enters the picture.

What Acceptance Really Means

In everyday language, “acceptance” can sound like giving up: I guess this is just how things are… nothing I can do about it. But in ACT, acceptance is something far more active. It means making space for our inner experiences, allowing them to come and go, without struggling against them or trying to push them away.

Acceptance is also not approval. It doesn’t mean liking pain or resigning ourselves to misery. Instead, it’s about loosening our grip and choosing not to fight reality, but to carry it with openness while we continue to move toward what matters most.

Stepping In Instead of Running Away

Defusion teaches us to step back from thoughts. Acceptance teaches us to step in to our experience. Rather than avoiding, numbing, or endlessly wrestling with difficult emotions, we allow them to be present, even when it feels uncomfortable.

Think of it this way: if defusion gives us space from our thoughts, acceptance gives us room within ourselves to carry pain without being crushed by it.

A Catholic Lens: Christ and the Mystery of Suffering

As Catholics, we know that suffering is not something to be erased, but something God Himself chose to enter. Jesus didn’t sidestep pain; He embraced it out of love, transforming it through the Cross.

When we practice acceptance, we’re not just using a psychological tool. We’re imitating Christ. We’re learning to say, with Him, “not my will, but Yours be done.” 

This doesn’t mean we stop praying for healing or relief. But it does mean we practice meeting our suffering with openness, trusting that God is with us in it, and that He can bring resurrection even out of what feels unbearable.

A Gentle Exercise

Here’s a way to begin practicing acceptance in prayer:

1. Take a few breaths and become aware of a difficult feeling you’re experiencing right now.

2. Instead of pushing it away, name the feeling: "I notice I'm feeling ____.".

3. Notice what it feels like in your body. Move your focus, for a moment, to your breath if it feels like too much. But then try to go back to noticing the sensation in your body.

4. Now imagine Christ sitting with you in that space, sharing the weight with you.

Acceptance is not something we master overnight. It’s a practice of courage, patience, and faith. But each time we choose to step in - rather than run away - we grow in freedom.

Moving Forward

Defusion helps us disentangle from thoughts. Acceptance helps us carry our emotions with openness. Together, they prepare us for the deeper work of clarifying our values and living in a way that reflects the love of God.

The journey of ACT, like the journey of faith, is not about escaping pain, but about finding the courage to live fully, with God, even in the midst of it.